Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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