Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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