i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
