Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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