I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
