Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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