My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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