Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
