The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
