she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
