so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
