she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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