My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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