you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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