All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
