8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
