Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
