I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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