Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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