I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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