I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
