Me too!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
