Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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