I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize