when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
