How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
