Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
