I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
