so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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