Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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