I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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