new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
