Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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