I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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