you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
