I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
