it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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