Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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