So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
