Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
