so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I currently don't understand fingers.
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