Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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