That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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