when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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