I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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