Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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