I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
