dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
