i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
