I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
