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• (207): View more from Maine

  Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

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• (516): View more from New York

  Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.

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• (518): View more from New York

  ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....

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• (310): View more from California

  Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend

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