He had one of those small greek statue penises
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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