connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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